The third trimester is an exhausting period. Carrying around a big belly causes a lot of pressure and pain on the body. I also made a big move from Vancouver to the island. (I would not recommend moving when pregnant, at least not this far into pregnancy. It’s very stressful). Now I’m focused on setting up the baby space. My nieces have come over a few times and helped me sort through all the baby clothes I got for free or from fb marketplace. The sizing breaks my brain (newborn, 0-3, 3-6, 6-12) so I got them to sort out all the sizes and then further sort things out based on item category (long sleeve onesies, short sleeve onesies, pajamas, shirts, pants, sweaters, miscellaneous). I’m trying to figure out how to organize all the other stuff I’m already drowning in (cloth diapers, blankets, burp cloths, bibs, and so on). Again, my brain breaks.
I’m very unmotivated to do anything these days. Strange for me. I think all of my inspiration must be getting fed into the baby. A quick Google search reveals that the hormone progesterone is to blame for this lack of motivation. I’ve been chemically altered in yet another way, to take things easy and to deliver my creative resources to the baby. I am a gestating blob. I eat, drink water, attempt to exercise, and attempt to sleep. I’ve put off this blog post so many times due to creative disinterest as well.
Pregnancy sleep is also incredibly challenging. You can no longer sleep on your back, but your hips are so sore that you have to constantly shift from one side to the other. And this turning from side to side is near impossible with a big belly and ab muscles you can no longer really access. I have to hoist myself onto my elbows, then make a three point turn to flop over to my other side. Repeat a hundred times in a night.
Since I don’t have a mom, I’ve had to resort to the weird world of YouTube momfluencers to pick up baby tips (what to buy, sleep schedules, diapering, postpartum care, breastfeeding advice, and so on). I look forward to getting out of this parenting genre. It’s weird. Most of the more successful channels are affluent, able-bodied women with videos like “24 hours with a newborn,” “10 pregnancy essentials,” or “What I eat in a day while breastfeeding.” Parenting literature is also very strange. My dad hasn’t been able to offer much guidance. He seems to believe that women have an innate knowledge of how to care for a baby. (I’m sorry, just no.) This knowledge has instead been laboriously handed down by other women (pun intended?). Here’s one weird thing I learned: you have to wipe down the baby’s gums at least twice a day! Before their teeth even come in! I found some free online prenatal classes (if you’re in British Columbia, you can sign up through the Pregnancy Hub). There is so much to learn (and so much as stake!) when you bring a life into the world. Other things I’ve been trying to learn or read up on: sign language, elimination communication, and baby sleep schedules. The next big thing is to make a birth plan. I think I’m leaning towards an unmedicated birth (i.e. no epidural). My aunts and mom all had unmedicated births. I’m looking forward to meeting the baby. I hope she comes out healthy and with no complications.
Other things to quickly note: With the baby coming soon, my health anxieties, generally at bay throughout this pregnancy, are starting to reappear. I’m worried about how my chronic fatigue syndrome will impact my ability to look after a baby. From before we even started on this pregnancy journey, I've discussed extensively with Tristan how to manage my sleep to be mentally and physically well. My specialist said to anticipate a major crash in my health postpartum. I hope this won’t be the case. I know my mother had to be repeatedly hospitalized throughout her postpartum periods. I’m trying not to focus on it so much for now. I want to write more about it at some point, but it’s too mentally triggering for me at the moment.
Motherhood memoirs I’d recommend :)
A Life's Work, Rachel Cusk
Splinters, Leslie Jamieson (forthcoming, you can read an excerpt here)
Motherhood, Sheila Heti (on deciding not to be a parent)
Pain Woman Takes Your Keys, and Other Essays from a Nervous System, Sonya Huber (some mentions of chronic pain and parenting)