Written quickly with one hand while Esther sleeps on me between crying, eating, and diaper changes. Forgive any mistakes, once again!
Going past your due date
I had bad menstrual-like cramps the night of my due date (April 4th), but they went away in the morning. I woke up sad and emotionally drained, thinking I was going to meet the baby that day. Then, I started getting a number of texts from friends and family asking if the baby had arrived. (Most babies don’t come on their due date FYI!) “Baby here yet?” “I need updates!” “You must be getting anxious!” The messages were well-meaning, but caused a great deal of pressure and mental stress. You have no idea or control when the baby decides to make an entrance into the world. I was also so physically uncomfortable at this point and wanted to meet baby ASAP. Also: waiting around for pain is a strange thing.
Again, a few days after my due date, I started having what I thought were contractions (well, they were contractions, called Braxton-Hicks, aka false labour). Tristan cleaned the whole house and packed a bag in case we had to head off. At night, I took some gravol and went to sleep, and woke up to nothing again. I was very upset that next day and felt emotionally drained, frustrated, and defeated. I texted my midwife asking if I could come in for a membrane sweep and to also assess if I was dilated at all: 1cm dilated. I had horrible cramping several hours later, and again at night, which I hoped was a good sign things were progressing. Things died down in the morning again and I had a cry into my bowl of cereal, then a bigger cry in the bedroom. This cycle kept repeating itself until the day before her birth.
Revising the birth plan
My original birth plan was to go into spontaneous labour and to have a vaginal birth without an epidural. Now past my due date, I had to talk to our midwife about either getting induced or getting a c-section (they don’t let you go past 42 weeks).
I decided to book in for an elective c-section at 41+3 (April 14). I had a bad feeling about being induced. I felt my body would find the interventions invasive and that it would not tolerate it well. My midwife was very supportive and told me to go with my gut. I decided to have one more membrane sweep at 41+1 hoping spontaneous labour would occur. The next afternoon, I began having contractions. Tristan timed them on an app while we ate pizza and watched YouTube. They ramped up fast in intensity and frequency, going from 15 minutes apart to averaging around 8 minutes apart (my midwife uses a 3-1-1 rule for active labour). We decided to drive to Tristan’s parent’s house which was only a ten minute drive from the hospital and for me to labour there. The contractions definitely got more painful once we got to their house. Tristan applied counter pressure every 7 minutes which soon became exhausting. I took a bath which helped with the pain. After 8 hours of this, I needed some pain relief and we went to the hospital for a shot of morphine + gravol so I could sleep and to see if I had progressed with dilation. The results: still only 1 cm dilated. I knew something wasn’t quite right. We went home at 12:30 to get a few hours of sleep, planned to return back at 4:30 for another shot of morphine + gravol, and to remain there until our 6:30 check-in for the c-section. At around 8:30 our midwife arrived and I asked for one more cervical check before we went ahead with the surgery. 1cm dilated. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep labouring through this way and said okay to the original c-section plan. At 9:26, Esther was pulled out of me screaming. I was so relieved. She was 9lbs 10.5 ounces, had a head almost the size of a one month old, in a sunny side up position (meaning I was having “back labour” which is a more painful type of labour), and her head was not in the right position for labour. Everyone in the operating room said I had made the right choice and that I would have had a monstrous time trying to birth her naturally, likely resulting in injury to myself.
They dropped the curtain to show me her and I started bawling instantly. It’s a crazy feeling becoming a parent. It’s an overwhelming love and relief to finally meet her after a very long and difficult pregnancy. I spent three days in the hospital recovering from the surgery before being discharged. (See weird video below of a leg compression device I had to wear. Reminds me of something that Baron Harkonnen would wear from David Lynch’s Dune.) While in hospital, Tristan helped with latching Esther onto me for breastfeeding since I could barely move (this seemed to weird the nurses out for some reason, maybe dad’s don’t do this but they absolutely should!). This was helpful since my milk came in by day 3 and Esther was able to start gaining back the weight newborns lose in the first few days after birth. Our midwife said it was a positive thing that I was in labour, meaning that baby had signaled she was ready to be born.
We’ve been home for about a week and recovering from a c-section is hard! They say you shouldn’t lift anything heavier than your baby but my baby is quite large! Tristan has been tackling house duties, diapers, soothing her when she cries and I’ve been focused on breastfeeding and trying to rest to heal from surgery. It’s been a lot! I’m glad that she came past her due date. She had more time to develop and came out so healthy and strong. She’s also amazing at breastfeeding so that’s made things really easy on me. (She’s feisty and has gone for Tristan’s nipples a few times and his mouth). I feel very lucky to be a parent. She’s already brought us so much joy and I can’t imagine her not existing. It feels like the best thing that’s ever happened to me (tied with meeting Tristan).