Content note: a lot of pregnancy-related vomiting
Readers, here is my recap of pregnancy week 9 to 16: So. Much. More. Vomiting. For some reason, my nausea ramped up even more since my last update post. I was throwing up around seven times a day (mind you, each session would require me to empty up a meal or whatever liquid I had boldly tried to consume). How is this possible, you might ask? I would like answers myself.
There were more popped blood vessels around my eyes. There was one session where my body insisted on emptying out the humble piece of dry toast I had eaten moments earlier without allowing me pause to breathe. I started gasping for air after the final expulsion of the offensive food and my partner rushed into the bathroom, thinking I was choking. The family dog was also rushing about in a panic, concerned by the noise I was making. There was also the time I puked while driving on the highway (reader, throwing up out the car window while driving at a high speed does not end well). These were harrowing times. I stayed home to avoid throwing up in public. Nausea triggers included walking, car rides, and anything involving being wet (i.e. bathing, doing the dishes, or even wet smells).
Tristan has had to take on all of the household tasks during this time. He has done this without complaint. He cleaned, cooked, and cared for me. He felt lonely during this period because I couldn’t emotionally engage with him. Because of the nausea, he couldn’t talk or touch me for large parts of the day—I was locked in my body trying to survive each day of out-of-control nausea. I would eat, curl up in bed with reduced stimulation, and hope the food would stay down. Then, when the nausea slightly cleared, I would be hungry again. There was very little time for connection with my partner within this food-nausea-hunger cycle.
The pregnancy demands on my body have felt very different from chronic illness demands. I haven’t sat with this difference long enough, but maybe in the future I can better compare pregnancy symptoms to chronic illness. Maybe the demands of pregnancy feel more urgent from chronic illness because I am in charge of growing and caring for a new life? My body is not mine—in an entirely different way from illness—as the baby asserts its presence in me. How will this carry over to when the child fully arrives into the world?
Now for the good news: 16 weeks in and the vomiting has finally almost ended. Mornings can still be a little rough if I don’t take my time with breakfast. So, it’s been a total of 10 straight weeks of nausea misery. But it’s been worth it. Thankfully, I’m starting to feel more like a person again. Well, as much as I can be while playing host to a new life. I get out of breath walking, I tire easily (in a different way from chronic illness), and I’ve developed a new symptom, pubic pain, as my hips expand for the baby.
We’ve also gotten to listen to the fetal heartbeat for the first time (I cried a little, it’s truly a beautiful experience). We’ve even had an unexpected second ultrasound after going to the ER for a suspected UTI (false alarm, thankfully). We could see our baby moving around energetically inside my body, its arms punching around. So active, I thought.
In a few weeks, we’ll be getting the anatomy ultrasound done. Hopefully everything looks good with the baby and that there are no problems health-wise. I’ll make another post after that, and also share some baby names we’ve come up with! Thanks for reading my scribbly preggo thoughts xoxo.