I miscarried. I know this is why you don’t announce until after the first trimester, but after miscarrying I wanted to talk to as many people as possible who had had miscarriages. Why should this information only be circulated among other parents who have experienced pregnancy loss?
Miscarriages are common.1 It seems like most people I talked to have had a miscarriage when starting a family. My sister-in-law miscarried between her two children. My other friend said three of her now-parent friends all miscarried on their first try. It often has to do with the fetus not developing normally (i.e. it is not the fault of the mother). But, common or not, I’m still sad.
I miscarried on the night of Father’s Day. Our nieces had gifted Tristan a pair of pajamas. We ate German cheesecake and peach cobbler. Then, a few hours later, I started to miscarry. By the morning, I was in quite a bit of pain and bleeding heavily. I signed up for a pregnancy chatboard of people posting questions like “am I miscarrying?” and scrolled through photos of blood in toilets or on tissue papers. I decided to go to the hospital for confirmation.
One thing I’ve noticed is that medical providers are very kind to pregnant patients. It’s brought up weird feelings for me as someone who has not been treated well by the healthcare system. Another thing to note: with pregnancy, I was feeling less sick. Pregnancy, I’ve heard, quiets the immune system. I was having less pain, less brain fog, and a different, more pleasant kind of fatigue. Now, as the pregnancy hormone levels drop down, my pain and cognitive loopiness are returning. Maybe this is how I’ll feel after giving birth since a flare up is to be expected. I was enjoying the easing of my symptoms. I was looking forward to nine months of disabled relief! Now, I am finding it mentally difficult—the “becoming disabled again” feelings—more than the actual miscarriage. In any case, I will try again.
🤍 Olivia
Mayo Clinic states that about 10 to 20 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage.
Hopping back on the platform and wanted to say I'm sorry about the miscarriage and to thank you for being open about your experience.