I’m expecting again! Yes, thank you, thank you. It’s really great news, I know. A few friends have labeled me #VeryFertile for this feat. Let’s hope this one sticks.
After my miscarriage, I wanted to get pregnant again as quickly as possible. You can ovulate two weeks after a miscarriage, but waiting that long felt impossible. I was depressed that there was no more baby.1 Somehow I was able to get pregnant again in that small window. (The first day of my last period is the day I miscarried, which tripped the doctor out.) Today, I’m almost 8 weeks pregnant! I’ve had my first prenatal appointment. Next up, the first ultrasound!
I do still worry about another miscarriage. I am keeping my excitement more subdued. I’ve done less dreaming about this baby. I haven’t thought about its life, who it might be. I’ve tamped down on those future forward thoughts. After the first trimester, maybe there will be space to dream when I know my chances of pregnancy loss are less.
I’ve sort of been telling everyone in public that I’m pregnant. My partner cringes, but it also opens me up to new social interactions. At the used bookstore, the clerk talked my ear off about each of her mother’s pregnancies and births. Her story even diverged, for some reason, into telling me about taking her younger brother to the first screening of Alien in 1979. I kept reaching for the doorknob to escape the conversation as I was overheating behind my mask, but the clerk kept talking. Eventually I said, “I have to go. I’m too hot,” and made my successful exit. At a restaurant, I mentioned my pregnancy to the waitress and she said, “Me too!” She’s in her second trimester and is having a boy.
It’s silly to admit, but I also really like being congratulated. It’s not that I lack praise in other areas of my life, but praise for my creative or academic work typically makes me embarrassed. Praise for being pregnant feels comforting and affirming.
Pregnancy symptoms
By 7 weeks, the nausea really hit me. It sticks around almost all day. My sister told me some pregnant people like to suck on sour hard candies for nausea. Ginger ale and ginger tea weren’t really cutting the nausea for me so I gave this a try. I sent Tristan to the store for some crackers and to look for hard candies the first day of big nausea, but he had a pounding headache which made navigating the grocery store uncomfortable for him so I told him to just get Sour Patch Kids (I would normally never eat these). Those did help. I tried lemon lime hard candies next and Gravol Ginger. That helped, but not enough. I ended up getting a prescription for Diclectin. I try to avoid all prescription medication in general, but I was quite desperate. I haven’t taken my first dose, and maybe never will, but having it is a comfort.
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I asked my dad if my mom had nausea when she was pregnant.
“Oh yes, she was very nauseous,” he said.
“Do you remember if anything helped her?”
“Complaining.”
A valid treatment!
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I’ve had to eat simple foods like crackers, potatoes, and soups. Bland, colourless foods help with my upset stomach. Then I’ve tried introducing things like oatmeal with banana, blueberries, and hemp seeds for breakfast. Managing to get a cold coffee down helps too. My stomach dictates the remainder of the food for the day.
Other first trimester symptoms
Everything smells gross. I already have an aversion to most smells or scented things so this didn’t surprise me. Extreme fatigue (again, I’m used to this so it wasn’t that hard mentally to deal with). My breasts ache tremendously and have doubled in size. I’ve had to pee constantly, and I find it difficult to sleep. All of this is fine. Not unmanageable. The nausea though . . . that is always a symptom I’ve hated. Also, the bloating (painful). Overall, not terrible but I do wonder how people manage to work full-time throughout their pregnancy. Then again, I wonder how people work full-time in general due to my energy-limited body.
~~ Thanks for reading my bloggy pregnancy thoughts. Future posts in the Expectant series will be available to paid subscribers only, with the occasional free post here and there. My hope is to save a bit of money for maternity leave since grad school offers no financial support <3.
To quote Mary Shelley: I awake & find no baby—I think about the little thing all day—not in good spirits (from The Journals of Mary Shelley: 1814-1844.).